Learner's Written Language

Part1

ORIGINAL VERSION

It is a very cold and snowy day. We don’t go to school. We make a snowman in the garden.We play snowball. Everywhere is white. We go mountain and ski. Tom and Julia is in the hotel in Uludağ. They are wearing gloves, scarf, boots and coat. They see a kitten. Kitten says: “I am cold.Please help me!” Tom and Julia take the kitten and go to hotel. The kitten is very happy because it is in the hotel and the hotel is very hot nd beautiful. Tom and Julia goes they room. They takes shower and sleep. In the morning Tom and Julia’s family goes they house. It’s very nice holiday and Tom and Julia take the kitten to house.

CORRECTED VERSION

It is a very cold and snowy day. We don’t go to school. We make a snowman in the garden. We play snowball. Everywhere is white. We go skiing to a mountain. Tom and Julia are in the hotel in Uludağ. They are wearing gloves, scarf, boots and coat. They see a kitten. Kitten says: “I am cold.Please help me!” Tom and Julia take the kitten and go to the hotel. The kitten is very happy because it is in the hotel and the hotel is very hot nd beautiful. Tom and Julia go to their room. They take a shower and sleep. In the morning, Tom and Julia’s family g oto their house. It’s a very nice holiday and Tom and Julia take the kitten to their house.

FEEDBACK ON THE WRITING

It is a very cold and snowy day. We don’t go to school. We make a snowman in the garden.We play snowball. Everywhere is white. We go mountain(?) and ski. Tom and Julia is(?) in the hotel in Uludağ. They are wearing gloves, scarf, boots and coat. They see a kitten. Kitten says: “I am cold.Please help me!” Tom and Julia take the kitten and go to hotel. The kitten is very happy because it is in the hotel and the hotel is very hot nd beautiful. Tom and Julia goes they(?) room. They takes(?) shower and sleep. In the morning Tom and Julia’s family goes they(?) house. It’s very nice holiday and Tom and Julia take the kitten to house.

The content of the summarising comment to the learner: Ece, you did good job. You wrote your thoughts clearly, but there is a roblem in the “s” rule. Don’t forget to put “-s” when you say “he” or “she”.

GENERAL COMMENT

The topic of this lesson was seasons.We’ve been practising seasons for four days. In this lesson I wnted them to wrie a story using the pictures (clothing items) that I gave them.I used pictures in order to create motivation as Sue Leather says in her article : “ Pictures, music, dialogue, realia, and story will all help to create context and motivation” (Leather, Sue. http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/writing-elementary-learners) Here, I tried to assess their knowledge of seasons and related clothes ans also I aimed to make them familiar to writing activities. In elementary levels writing is the most difficult skill, therefore we as teachers provide reasons for writing as Simon Haines suggests in his article: “ In real life, people write when the need arises.In the classroom the need to write is unlikely to arise naturally and must be provided by the teacher. However, there are ways of helping students perceive the need to write while giving them opportunities.” (Haines,Simon. English Teaching Professional, 9 October, 1998)Moreover, the coursebook doesn’t include writing tasks, I have to invent my own tasks for my students.

When we consider the feedbackstyles, I use different styles each time. Sometimes I write the correct version on the board and students correct their own papers or they make groups to correct and comment on their mistakes.In a writing task such as this one, I underline the error and put a question mark next to the error and make the student think about the mistake that he or she did.

In the original text (student’s text) there are some mistakes that I didn’t correct because considering their age and level this would demotivate them. They haven’t learned the tenses yet. They just know some patterns to express themselves. Therefore I just corrected the rules that they have learned before. As an example to this point we can evaluate these sentences: “we don’t go to school.We make a snowman in the garden.”Here they should have used the simple past tense but they don’t know it.These are the mistakes that may confuse students’ mind There is no need to think about such mistakes at this point of her writing process as this is her first writing task.

PART 2

ORIGINAL VERSION

There was very mischief boy called George.One day, his mother was going to the shopping. And in the house, there were only grandma and George. His grandma always sits and offers something.So he was so unhappy. Her grandma likes disgusting things like bugs. When she was siting on the chair she wanted a glass of tea. He went and makes a tea and gave it to his grandma.But grandma didn’t like it, she complained:

- It needs more sugar!!!

Then he fetched sugar. She stirred it and drank it . Then grandma said:

- You are so long.

- It’s normal grandma. I’m growing.

But his grandma didn’t want George to grow up. Sos he said:

- Growing is bad.

- Why?

- Because you will be more disobedience when you grow up.

- How can I do it?

- You can do it with eating bugs and eat rotten foods.

George felt frightened about her grandma after her these words. And got more angry.Suddenly, he thought about putting fireworks under her sofa. After that he thought that her medicines made her like that and planned to make a new magic medicine for his grandma.

CORRECTED VERSION

There was very mischief boy called George.One day, his mother was going to the shopping. And in the house, there were only grandma and George. His grandma always sits and orders something.So he was so unhappy. His grandma likes disgusting things like bugs. When she was sitting on the chair, she wanted a glass of tea. He went and made a tea and gave it to his grandma.But grandma didn’t like it, she complained:

- It needs more sugar!!!

Then he fetched sugar. She stirred it and drank it . Then grandma said:

- You are so tall.

- It’s normal grandma. I’m growing.

But his grandma didn’t want George to grow up. So she said:

- Growing is bad.

- Why?

- Because you will be more disobedient when you grow up.

- How can I do it?

- You can do it with eating bugs and eat rotten foods.

George felt frightened about her grandma after her these words. And got more angry.Suddenly, he thought about putting fireworks under her sofa. After that he thought that her medicines made her like that and planned to make a new magic medicine for his grandma.

FEEDBACK ON THE WRITING

There was very mischief boy called George.One day, his mother was going to the shopping. And in the house, there were only grandma and George. His grandma always sits and offers (offers/orders?)something.So he was so unhappy. His grandma likes disgusting things like bugs. When she was siting(siting/sitting?) on the chair she wanted a glass of tea. He went and makes(makes/made) a tea and gave it to his grandma.But grandma didn’t like it, she complained:

- It needs more sugar!!!

Then he fetched sugar. She stirred it and drank it . Then grandma said:

- You are so long. (long/tall ?)

- It’s normal grandma. I’m growing.

But his grandma didn’t want George to grow up. So she said:

- Growing is bad.

- Why?

- Because you will be more disobedience (disobedience/disobedient ?) when you grow up.

- How can I do it?

- You can do it with eating bugs and eat (eat/eating/- ?)rotten foods.

George felt frightened about her grandma after her these words. And got more angry.Suddenly, he thought about putting fireworks under her sofa. After that he thought that her medicines made her like that and planned to make a new magic medicine for his grandma.

The content of the summarising comment to the learner: You organised your ideas well. The content is clear and you explained well what you aimed.I told you to write a story , you included speeches in our story This is a good way for creating a story. But I think you need to practice vocabulary. You should check our vocabulary studies notes. This will help you to understand your mistakes.

GENERAL COMMENT

This is an intermediate level student’s work. The topic is writing astory about “growing up” .They watched a video about the same topic, afterwards I wanted them to write their own stories about the same subject. As Paul Kaye says in his article : “ We write e-mails, lists, notes,……………All of these writing tasks have a communicative purpose and a target audience. In the English language classroom, however, writing often lacks this.” (Kaye, Paul. http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/making-writing-communicative) That’ why I used this tehnique in order to motivate students as it is stated in the article of Sue Leather : “ It is important to create a strong, engaging context. This will generate the motivation for your students to write” and she adds “ ………………………story will…..help to create context motivation” (Leather, Sue. http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/writing-elementary-learners )

This students included speeches in his story, there is dialogue between a grandma and a boy. He tried to use the words that they have just learned. But he has some problems in in vocabulary choice and in spelling.

I wrote the correct type and the type that he wrote before. I wanted o visualise his mistake. I thought that when he sees the wrong and the correct type he can understand his mistake and easily recall the correct one. I call this as controlled feedback, you don’t tell the correct answer but at the same time you don’t let student think deep which cause silence(You can’t get the correct answer from students.) This reall Works if your students have serious problems in language learning.

This student wrote this story after a brainstorming session. The students made groups and thought about the topic and what to include in the story., When they reached a decision, each of them write their own stories. I believe that groupwork makes writing tasks easier and enjoyable for students as Vanesse Steele sated in her article: ……………activities work best if carried out in groups as groupings make the tasks livelier and more enjoyable. Moreover, if students can work together, assisting each other, then the atmosphere of the writing classmay be less intimidating and perhaps students will not be afraid of the complexity of writing tasks.” (Steele, Vanessa. http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/how-approach-discursive-writing)

(There is no other mistakes to correct or there aren’t any mistakes that I found needless to correct.)

REFERENCES:

1. Steele,Vanessa.http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/how-approach-discursive-writing

2. Leather, Sue. http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/writing-elementary-learners

3. Kaye,Paul.http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/think/articles/making-writing-communicative

4. Haines,Simon. English Teaching Professional, 9 October, 1998